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             One woman to another: "Now that I'm older, I worry less about 
      what others think.
     "You've noticed that about me, right?"
             Beyond the Fringefan #410

BEYOND THE FRINGEFAN is turning 59 this month and isn't worried what others think about it, with the possible exceptions of his doctors and insurance companies. After attempting to pun on the numerical value of the upcoming birthday and coming up with nothing better than an old Simon and Garfunkel song, he's decided that that's nothing to worry about either, just water under the bridge. If you want to tell him that this zine has you feelin' groovy (or that you think he's just fakin' it), you can find him at the N.Y. Cadre ((phone(718) NY-CADRE); e-mailnycadre@alum.rpi.edu; Webhttp://www.nycadre.org). This is Beyond the Fringefan #410, for readers of APA-NYU Volume 9, #5 (e-APA-NYU #85, the Seventh Anniversary e-collation) and other old friends and bookends, published May 2011 as a combined production of Quick Brown Fox Press and Syscrash Consulting, both subsidiaries of Thigamajig Inc. logo. Cartoon above by Isabella Bannerman for 6 Chix, 13 April 2009. All uncredited material copyright ©2011 by Marc S. Glasser. Member fwa.

All I can say about the news of last weekend is that I'm pleased that Osama bin Laden has been taken out of action in what appears to have been the only way possible; but I'll be a lot more pleased when all the wars that politicians have been blaming on him are over, U.S. troops are back from half a dozen Middle Eastern countries, the U-SAP-AT-RIOT Act is allowed to expire, and air travel no longer means surrender of all right to privacy. If those changes don't get rolled back, don't try to convince me that the terrorists didn't win. And now, back to our regularly scheduled blather.

CAN'T ANYONE HERE PLAY THIS GAME?: Another month has passed without gainful employment (with the exception of the gig I've had for two years now with the Holocaust memorial newsletter, which takes a day or so every couple of months and pays commensurately). Another person from 24 Seven called to ask if I was interested in a possible one- or two-day assignment, but after I said I was, she never called back with details. Presumably one of the others she called was more to the client's liking; I can deal with that, but I wish they'd let me know rather than leaving me hanging. That just seems to be the way the business works.

     I went up to Update Graphics just before last collation to take a proofreading test and fill out some forms; I'd done all of that six years ago, but the people there had apparently decided to purge the records from their files after I'd not worked through that agency for five years. Regrettably, I didn't remember (and my contact there didn't think to let me know) that I had to bring proof of my legal right to work in this country—for a native-born citizen, that would be a birth certificate, Social Security card or passport—so I had to go back a few days later bearing those documents (the receptionist made a photocopy of my passport). My contact Arlene phoned back the following week to let me know that the personnel department had complained that while I'd duly provided the names of my last three bosses as contacts, I'd failed to provide current addresses, e-addresses and phone numbers for two of them. When I pointed out that I hadn't seen Sooze in five years and Nancy in eight and a half, and had no idea whether the numbers and e-addresses I had for them were still any good, she suggested that I use different contacts, not necessarily ex-bosses, for whom I could provide all the information asked for. After getting permission from Movie Mike and from Suzanna (about whom I wrote last month), I e-mailed Arlene with their information. As of two weeks later (per another call to Arlene), the personnel department is "still checking one of the references." Geez, they're thorough. Or something. I've contacted, and begun the process of getting myself on the roster of, yet another freelance agency; more on that as it develops.

     The good news is that the copy chiefs at Demand Media informed me that I'm now on their staff of copy editors. I can log on to Demand's Web site anytime now and find a queue of articles awaiting editing. So far it's all been how-to stuff written for a site called eHow, though I understand other options may await me after I've done this for a while. The articles are on the order of 500 words long; I have to fix grammar and spelling and do some light fact-checking. Pay has been $3.50 to $4 per article (paid in a lump sum twice a week to my PayPal account). I doubt I'll ever be able to do a proper job on more than two or three articles per hour on average, so it's not quite the wage I was getting for the past six years, but if I can discipline myself to sit at the keyboard in my room and slog through the queue for six or eight hours a day, I can pick up a couple of hundred bucks a week, which is certainly better than nothing.

     Donna's dental adventures are not yet over; the second temporary bridge fell out while our dentist was taking time off for Passover, and his answering machine sent us to an office another mile away, where another dentist cemented marquee sign reading DR. ZHIVAGO/JAWS.
 Woman in box office, to man outside: 
 "USED to be a movie theater --  now it's a DENTIST'S OFFICE.
 Do you want an appointment?"
(BIZARRO by Dan Piraro, 17 August 2000) the bridge back in place after we'd filled out the usual ten forms, waited the usual hour, and paid the usual fee. Regrettably, the bridge came loose again after another four days. This time Donna decided it wasn't worth going back to the contingency dentist; she just toughed it out by avoiding eating anything tough for the remainder of the time until our dentist's return. Fortunately, that was last Wednesday. The dentist did the initial fitting of permanent bridge, which is under construction, and then put the temporary one back in. We're hoping for final installation of the permanent bridge before the end of the month.

Fringe Reception: Comments on APA-NYU, Volume 9, #4 (e-APA-NYU #84)

JAMISON, TAKE e-LETTER (Mark L. Blackman):
"Canned tuna has quietly shrunk from 6 oz. to 5 (a 16% reduction - and not, I'm sure, from decreasing mercury levels)." And half-gallons of orange juice are now 59 oz., and quart jars of mayonnaise are (more often than not) 30 oz. The age of the Incredible Shrinking Package is irrevocably upon us. /*/ (¢covers) "Bizarre covers (some even dashed off on the spot at Collations) were a big part of the old APA-NYU..." They were dashed off at collations when no one brought one. "Uh, let's see, Nina and Abby are here; what can we twist their arms to come up with on short notice?" /*/ (¢APA-NEWS) Perhaps the Car 54 theme didn't mention Staten Island because when it was written, there was no way for a car to get there from the rest of the city (except by waiting for the ferry)? Queens only merited two mentions because the airports are there. /*/ (¢Cinii) "But my point is that even if NYC were a State, the non-Manhattan counties (ftr, Manhattan = NY County) would be ignored. What then, the State of Long Island (Kings [Brooklyn]-Queens-Nassau-Suffolk Counties)?" There have been secession movements for Long Island, both inclusive and exclusive of Brooklyn and Queens. There's also a proposal to split Suffolk County and dub the eastern half Peconic County. I'm reminded of an entry in a calendar that once appeared in a MAD annual: "1863: Brooklyn threatens to secede from the Union, changes mind when nobody objects." (And a happy Civil War Sesquicentennial to you too.) /*/ (¢me) "...there's a strange Staples commercial currently airing on tv wherein a couple decides that they need a new computer because their old one ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO GET STOLEN, and, after buying a new computer at Staples, proudly beam that their new one IS! That's inducement?" Not to me, but I guess that's the reductio ad absurdum of keeping up with the Joneses. /*/ "Would you put Meat Loaf under 'M' or 'L'?" A good question. I'd better think about it while Mr. Loaf is still alive. (The New York Times used "Mr. Loaf" ironically, in a headline alluding to a film about him, in which "an unctuous interviewer" asks the singer "May I call you Meat?" The paper's style guide explicitly names Meat Loaf and Little Richard as examples of celebrities whose names should always be used in full without an honorific.)

ICONOCLAST (Joel Nelson):
(¢me) "That's why many users plug 19-inch monitors into their laptops when they are in their cubicles." Sounds like a good idea to me. I've thought about getting an auxiliary monitor, but just don't have enough space amid the clutter in my room. What I'd like to do is use the TV set in my room as an auxiliary monitor. Unfortunately, the new laptop has bypassed the 6-year-old TV technologically: it has an HDMI video output, but the TV has an S-video input. There doesn't seem to be a cheap converter available. (There are ones that cost over a hundred bucks.) So when the current TV dies, its replacement will be pressed into double duty from day one.

Man at computer screen in cubicle:
 "Someone may want to look at this manuscript I received on e-mail called 
 'The Embedded Virus That Destroyed the Publisher's Server When the 
  Manuscript Was Rejected.'"
(THE 5TH WAVE by Rich Tennant, 31 March 2002) L/S/D* W/O THE L.S.D. (Ariel Cinii):
As always, good luck and godspeed to your latest revision as it negotiates the hazards of darkest Slushpile. /*/ "Ostensibly, it's the English translation of the song Unknown is Unending {aka Ho Veyass'o}"—but you gave us the translation ("On we will go/The future is without an ending...") when you first presented the song two decades ago! I think you've given us a few other sets of lyrics to the same tune over the intervening time. Is this the filk/folk process, Sartine style? /*/ Your home world had flying cats? Where did you put the litter boxes? (Not next to the bird feeders, I trust.) /*/ The yuppification of upstate Manhattan continues, I see. Not unexpected, of course, but bad nonetheless. May you survive. /*/ (¢me) "Just after the 13th Sign was announced, astronomers discovered the 11th planet, which they think is as big as Jupiter. The name they gave it allegedly originated in Greek mythology and sounded a lot like Wiki." This was news to me. The alleged planet, called Tyche (rhymes with Mikey) for the Greek goddess of fortune, is still "hypothetical" at this point and will probably remain so for a few years. (It's also supposed to be 350 times as far from the sun as Pluto is, so its adoption as a planet will necessitate some redefinition of the size of the solar system.) /*/ (¢Blackman) "Electric motors and solar cells, however, will not generate sufficient power to put a volantor [hovercraft, flying car] in the air, so internal combustion will remain the predominant power source until electromagnetic levitation technology is perfected and changes the game yet again." I'm thinking that the necessity of using internal combustion, combined with the rising price of gasoline, will militate against any commercial development of flying cars at all. I think rich people will just as soon own helicopters, which will be cheaper and more reliable, and for which there's already an existing infrastructure.
     Out of time and space. Have a good May, everyone.

>Portions of the preceding want to change the world,
                                                              but can't find a big enough diaper.<

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